Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
