This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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