I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
