please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
