I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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