I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
