i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
