Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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