Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
