id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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