I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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