oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We have started to decorate penises.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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