One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
