I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
