I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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