either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
