i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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