Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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