so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
