I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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