No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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