i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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