I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
