i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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