ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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