my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
vagina is talking i cant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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