How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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