im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
