this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
