I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
