don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
