This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
