Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
