Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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