Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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