so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
