watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
