YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize