Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
