i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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