You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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