How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
