it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize