ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
