This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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