apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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