nut hugger
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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