there's paper in my vomit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
