ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Terrible idea I love it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
