Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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