I'm so fucking centered right now
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
