Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
