i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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