I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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