I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
